On Being Lolita: Thoughts on Frilly Friendship

On Being Lolita: Thoughts on Frilly Friendship

The thing that makes lolita fashion dearest to me are all of the amazing friends I have met because of it. Dressing in lolita really helped me learn more about myself and become a stronger person; participating in the community helped me realize my value as a person and form trusting relationships with other people. Prior to my involvement with the style, I had very few friends. My school years weren’t spent as an outcast, but I didn’t have many people I could truly call friends. It wasn’t until I started interacting with the other lolita that I realized how insincere my former “friends” were.

I am always glad that I worked up the courage to go to lolita fashion meetups. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t know the fantastic people who I constantly spend time with regardless of what we’re wearing. They aren’t my “lolita friends.” They are my friends. ♥

Some girls go to lolita meetups with a mentality that they will find “lolita friends.” While it is important to share hobbies with others, I think that limiting yourself to having a specific category of friend is self-defeating. It is hard to form a lasting, trusting relationship with only one facet of a person. A person is not one-dimensional, and no-one should have to act ashamed of their hobbies or interests. Don’t be afraid to be yourself!

Obviously, some people may not share your interests. That’s alright. None of my friends are completely obsessed with everything I am, nor am I with their activities. What matters is properly expressing your personality, so that others who really want to be around you will realize it! When someone is holding back or trying to act in a way that is unnatural to herself, it always shows in one way or another. Being honest is the only real way to maintain a strong relationship. It’s hard to be friends with someone if they’re just putting on a show–how do you know you would still enjoy the company of the person underneath?

That’s not to say that it’s not right to have friends you only see at meetups. There are some people that I enjoy the company of, but life just works out so that we only interact when wearing lolita fashion. They are still wonderful people, and I still get excited to spend time with them. Sometimes it even seems a bit special if there is someone you see rarely, because there’s more to catch up on. What isn’t useful is setting yourself up to prevent forming deeper relationships with others by pidgeon-holing them into a certain mold–“lolita friend”–before even getting to know that other person!