Although I haven’t written in a while, I am certainly not going to stop making entries in this blog. I really do enjoy writing about lolita fashion and the things I like, even if I don’t necessarily go about it in a “normal” way for a blog. However, I just haven’t been able to really sit down and write something out, even if there are a million ideas tumbling around in my head!
Because, you see, as much as I love lolita fashion and being a lolita, it isn’t the only important thing in my life. I take graduate school courses, I work full time, and have other obligations to family and friends. Wearing lolita fashion is a lot of fun–going to meetups is one of my most favourite-est ways to see my friends and make new ones–but if I have to work or do homework, well…then that needs to be done instead. I know too well how it feels to fail at something only because I didn’t put enough effort forward, and I have resolved to not let myself waver and have to feel that way again.
In some ways, lolita fashion is a form of escapism for me. I am not a little girl any more, but wearing lolita fashion helps me feel that kind of blissful rapture again. In today’s world, innocence is not encouraged or held precious–there is so much pressure to grow up faster, take on responsibilities now, and immerse oneself completely in the cold, hard “real world.” So many times I have been chided for “not understanding how things work,” told to “get my head out of the clouds,” or lectured about how “adult women don’t act like that.” The kind of happiness that comes from just walking past someone’s front yard full of beautiful roses, seeing someone freely dancing to the music from their iPod that no-one else can hear, or standing out in the rain until you’re completely soaked and your eyelashes stick together is looked down on.
However, when I put up my hair in curled pigtails, step into a ribbon-bedecked one-piece, and adjust my petticoat, I feel electric. I don’t care what other people might have to say. I smile at everyone and wave at those who pretend they’re not staring in disbelief at my clothing. It’s like my heart is sparkling brightly with neon-pink glitter. It doesn’t matter what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow. Wearing lolita fashion gives me a confidence that I rarely feel otherwise–and the longer I have been a part of the fashion and the community, the more that kind of feeling bleeds into my life even when I’m dressed in my dirty jacket and faded jeans.
As wonderful as that feeling is, I can’t ignore other parts of my life just because lolita makes me feel so fantastic. There are still classes to be attended, work to be done, and chores to be completed. Staying late at the office and then heading off to night-school, riding the unimaginably crowded bus home at night knowing I need to be at work bright and early the next morning sometimes leaves me without the energy to put my thoughts to paper. I sometimes stay up too late, reading the lolita fashion communities or Angelic Pretty’s blog entries, but my mind just isn’t in the right place to pen anything coherent. I keep going because I know that my courses at school and my job enable me to wear lolita–otherwise I would not have the funds or as much of the appreciation.
Obsession is dangerous no matter what the focus might be. Some people can only think about lolita fashion–wanting to wear it to any occasion, no matter how appropriate; needing to own the newest item, regardless of whether they can afford it; and insisting on attending every meetup, even if there are other things they ought to be doing instead. It’s easy to get hooked on almost anything, but it’s very important to take a step back and map out some priorities to keep yourself on track. I know that if I buy that newest print now, I won’t have money for rent at the end of the month–and that’s unacceptable for me. Will it matter how many pretty dresses I own if I am evicted? Absolutely not.
There is obviously a little bit of lolita in every part of my life, from the teddy bear-bedecked teacup at my desk at work to the small bows that might be perched atop my perhaps slightly more “business-like” hairstyle. I still keep a close eye on the lolita communities, typically browsing posts as I eat my sandwich for lunch, and I can’t keep from daydreaming about wished-for coordinations when I’m supposed to be calculating the future value of an annuity. However, there are always consequences, and I’d like to avoid the most unpleasant of those if possible. Otherwise I’m sure I’ll have even less time and energy to devote to the style I adore so much!